Yes.

So here we go, future. I see you on the horizon, and although apprehensive, I am pleased.

The Sun, Again.

Blogging because I refuse to fall asleep even though I desperately need to - it's becoming something of a habit. I fall asleep right after, though, so it could be good thing.

I'm burning candles this weekend like never before - right now there's cinnamon apple scent wafting through my room, combining with the sweetly damp smell of outside - it's just rained, and that eastern breeze that always follows summer rains is flowing into my room, causing the candle to flicker in magical shadows over my stacks of books, my warm wooden shelves.

A perfect setting. A perfect weekend.

I hosted a tea party for some good, good friends - a full house of them. Rapped with my little junior high friends later. Choir sang so well this morning at church, and I wore heels and a loose lacy skirt and a elegant top. A friend came over for lunch. Rehearsal brought a new opportunity, one that I feel is more serious than anything ever in the history of choir. And the comraderie pervading these past two days - it's been incredible. Talking to people is coming so easily to me now.

I talked - in Russian - for a good ten minutes with full sentences and real thoughts to my neighbor's niece, and ran around the playground with my baby brother and some other children while their parents looked on; I baked all morning Saturday and it turned out so well - one neighbor asked for a recipe, a few others gave compliments galore! Oh how amazing it's been.

And the carnival is this week. I might have a small weekend job lined up. I'm in charge of the face painting booth this year. Oh my Lord... I am so content. Even the absence of someone to hold, which I've been feeling more strongly lately, fades in the glow of gentle acceptance and simple love. Simple words, really, and not being judged for what I'm finally feeling free enough to let slip through.

I'm getting that feeling of youth back again. Please yes.

Half-Lidded Stylish Eyeing

There's a bullet-like rainstorm going on, and it's past 1 in the morning. Why am I still awake, after spending this entire week cleaning and tomorrow being pretty busy in the morning? My mouth is full of that thick, thirsty suction, and my eyes burn to close, but my being - I suppose that link between my mind, my heart, and my soul - strains against slumber.

So many emotions; so little patience for analyzing. Why can't I just float? Why must I think so much for every decision, and yet I blink and realize that I've actually under-thought it? When will I start falling asleep as I need to, and not when I drift to it?

My skin feels so dry and soft. The skin of my hands, stretched and sensitive. Too much talk. Where is my clarity? Where is my strength; my drive.

Be Cool, Bret.

I find myself categorizing my Tumblr.. I have a food blog, a colorful blog, a personal blog, a blog dedicated to the Commander. I'm thinking I now need a soft, pastel blog. That softness makes me happy.

But right now I'm full from Chik-Fil-A (the first time we've had it for dinner! Probably a bad thing), and have a cup of too-sweet lemonade in one hand, and iced coffee in the other. I'm set to write all night, and volunteering at the luncheon in the morning..it's going to be a good weekend.

We went for a college consultation with my evaluator today, and I have peace within me now. It feels great. Whatever happens, wherever my life takes me, I'll relish it. That is all.

In the meantime, this swing jazz and this cool, sunshiny weather is putting cloud-like emotions into appendages. Even as I wash dishes, I float.