To One Who Has Caused Me Pain and Who I am Finding Hard to Forgive

Dear Self,
I hate you at times. You’ve caused me a lot of pain, and I wish we could forgive each other—but the hurt is too deep. You let laziness overpower you. You didn’t protect your mind from wickedness. You let your hands stop doing good, and you slept as an attitude of rebelliousness crept up on your heart.

I wish I could say that you’ve grown as a result; perhaps you have, but too little, too late. It is senior year next year, and you have slacked off, lied, and rightfully failed the past seven years. Good luck, I guess, with this last year and college—you’re going to need it in massive doses.

But you must remember that you are free. You are free, and this shouldn’t have a hold on you any longer. It only has a hold on you because you let it. So—just stop. Stop it with all the deceit and whatnot, because it’s getting annoying. Exasperating.

I know that you can do so much better. You can, and you know it yourself, but you persist in the wrongdoing. It’s disheartening to say the least. But you can change. You have changed—so just hold onto that change and who made it possible.

That’s all I have to say about that.

I still like you,
Irene.