The Sense of Accomplishment.

I've finished. It's beautiful. 3 o'clock in the morning, my hands are shaking but my mind is in that state of seeing the words open behind my eyelids. For me, emotions translate well in the early morning, when sleep is the norm.

Meh

I'm rewriting my fine arts poem for the second round. Hopefully, now that it's crunch time and just about midnight, the words will come easier. I have so many things to say, and none of them rhyme. Sadly, that's the only sort of poem I'm 100% certain will appeal to the adjudicators of Fine Arts.

I have a bone to pick with whoever chooses these adjudicators. I've done this long enough to predict what an outcome will be, and free verse is the only iffy thing. If it's done with plenty of inner rhyming of words put close together, it has a chance. Big words seem to do the trick, too.

Gosh, all this angst. I don't like it. Especially since the theme is Compelled by Love, and angst doesn't count for anything in Fine Arts.

I Love Love

So many things I hoped for are happening, along with many things that I never thought I'd deal with. The most beautiful and happiest thing is the smile I'm constantly getting from him. It feels good. I can talk to easily to him now, most of the time. I wave and smile and laugh and ask things I never would have thought to, months ago.

The funniest thing is that I'm not in love. In fact, letting go of that infatuation has given me a freedom of awesome proportions, in looking with interest in another direction. It's not a serious interest, but it's there. I don't deny it. And the most awesome thing of all is that I am confident and secure in his and her confidence, in their love.

I acknowledge what it used to be and let my heart be illuminated by this love and open pride.

In the midst of strange and troubling circumstances, there are a billion bright lights. That's what I see. I see a future that remains hopeful, in spite of all my shortcomings. I see a family that is not perfect, not by far, but is as close to me as my blood family. We have grown together; it's not something that is easily thrown aside.

Emotional.

Even the gentlest roller-coasters can make you sick if you stay on them long enough.

Starting Small

I've, uh - I've a lot to do. Or rather, a lot to undo, to set right. Pretty much my Fine Arts stuff, my independent stuff, is just about done. I finished my poem today, after much brain-wracking, and a final edit to my short story and it's through. Still debating on the 2D art. Still not certain of the concept. Perhaps a baptism, in that style I love to do, with a lot of lineart.

I'm working on my human video solo; I'm afraid of performing it but I can't back down.

So in typical procrastinating style, I am going to a challenge I ripped from Tumblr, the site that I suppose I'll never post personal things on again. Lame.