I came home with another headache, and fell asleep before music school. After not practicing all week because of schoolwork and extreme distractedness, I was almost happy for the headache.
As I lay on the couch half an hour before we had to leave, I debated whether or not to go. I decided to, based on wanting to live a life outside of staying inside all the time. Small steps.
My teacher was very understanding; I was grateful. The notes were swimming as I played, and I had to scramble for nearly every note, but I got through it. Then music theory class - always fun, and I am a little bit adept at that sort of thing. Syncopation and scales and melodic dictation...I'm getting better.
Then we went to the library. I dropped off a movie that I never watched. Then Giant where we ran into the youth pastor and his wife.
There are so many thoughts in my head that don't really make sense, or that I don't trust to anyone else. Thoughts I'm too ashamed and unsure to share.
But I am keeping up with NaPoWriMo. Ups and downs, but there are still some things that I can do. Tumblr is keeping me distracted. Not doing as much reading this school year. Wanting to puke every time I think about college and having to decided and move on with my life.
Here is the honest truth: my wish would be to go and become involved with food. But that would be like cheating on this journalism thing that I'm called to.
But maybe I should stop justifying why exactly this is where I should be and just go after it.
Courtesy of Tumblr:
Breathe by Anna Nalick
Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin
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