Three Things.

Getting back into baking... Alexa and I went to IKEA and also FiveBelow and Pier 1, and I bought a chocolate cookbook. All I did after coming home that evening was salivate over the pictures - a picture for every recipe!! I was stoked. I am stoked. In fact, I am extremely stoked, having just devoured enough chocolate to feed a small African country.

Which is why I am on the internet, after a five-day hiatus. Feels good! Actually not really. I am getting into an internet rut, lurking mostly on Facebook and my various comic websites. Getting back into Deviantart after a five-month hiatus. Getting back into a lot of things, actually.

Feels good, like I said. I need this: this chocolate and anonymous friendships. Lots of things don't feel good at all right now.

1. Growing up. It's painful. I watched The Breakfast Club for the first time ever (OH MY GOSH. It's one of my favorites now.) and the black-haired girl who hooks up with Emilio Estevez said, "When you grow up, your heart dies." Oh man. Why does that feel so true? I know it's not, not completely at least, but LORD, it feels like it.

2. Opening my mind. Also painful. I like my pre-conceived notions and letting go of them is incredibly difficult. My fingernails are dug in deep, man. These new horizons are like razors, cutting me to the bone.

3. Softening my heart. Painful. I've been building walls around my heart quietly, peacefully, unknowingly, and now that they're coming down, I feel so naked and vulnerable. I mean, missing someone isn't just occasionally thinking of them once in a while - it's a day-to-day reminder that they're not here today and it's piercingly painful.

Ah well. That's how life is, isn't it? Painful? But pain forces us to grow. That's what I know, and it's really all I've been repeating to myself all day. It's working...but I think the chocolate worked better.

Anyway. Goodnight, my non-existent readers. Thanks for sticking with me through these past couple years.