See-Saws.

The water heater's broken, and I've been taking freezing showers the past two days. I love it. It freaks me out when I first feel the frigid drops, and for the next five minutes I skip back and forth like a goat...but then I am cooled down enough to enjoy fifteen minutes or more in icy awesomeness.

I couldn't believe how amazingly warm the air wafting throughout our house is after a cold shower. Putting on sweaters and jeans is like donning the threads that hold up heaven; every sensation is more alive and connected, more than anything I've ever felt.

And today, to top off everything, has been a perfectly grey autumn day. I woke up early and walked to the bus stop. I missed the high schoolers but a couple middle school kids were standing around. We talked a little bit; there was so much more I could have said, looking back, but that's how it goes. Tomorrow is another day, another chance. And then, next week...

Old music has been coming back to me; old playlists and lyrics float past my head. I feel like I'm rediscovering pieces of myself... re-reading old diaries and journals, going through old papers and stories. Borscht and true Ukrainian food in honor of my parents' 20th anniversary yesterday: all of these conspire to tug me back to my roots.

I like them. They're greener than I remember. Things come back into perspective after teetering dangerously over the chasm of things I thought I had overcome.

Thanks, God. You keep reminders before me, and all I have to do is open my eyes, my heart. Perhaps that is the hardest part: complete surrender of everything I hold dear and held dear. All in all, it is a greater thing I am gaining that surrendering. Also I thank you for pleasant words and phrases. Autumn makes me more hazy than usual, and it's hard to focus when such lovely things are happening outside, but everything is good.
Real, real good.