So Take My Hand.

I hate succumbing to this teenage angst. Blowing my headphones at full volume helps. Facebook doesn't, and neither does Tumblr anymore. Going outside might. Drawing things doesn't, really, not in the course of a day. Perhaps for a moment.

This past week has been one of much movement, every day spent doing something. Now, it's not exhaustion pulling at my mind, and it's not quite a headache. I want some fruit, and a sunny day in which I can wear a breezy dress and not worry about anything. I want reality to match how I look in my mind.

I wish I could put on blinders to the world and let it all fade away..forget everything but the music, Ingrid Michaelson's voice and the sweet visions of his approval, of a happy day spent creating and smiling. Walking around in nature, in a yellow dress. Sandals.

I read something the other day, on Tumblr, that said missing someone has nothing to do with how long you've been apart, and everything to do with the moments you think how much you'd like them to be there with you.

I've been sighing a lot, and there's been some kind of strange tint in my eyes. The commercial for the depression medication, of the wind-up girl having to wind herself up every few moments. I realized I was re-enacting it during choir practice earlier.

We're sounding better - more unified, stronger.

Oh Lord. There are so many thoughts, and that could be why my head is pounding. I can't wait until Fine Arts, for that first Thursday morning of utter peace and silence. I am going to wake up as early as I can - five, if possible - and go outside. Go to that ledge, hopefully, and just soak in the silence. That is what I am living for right now.

Oh, Lord. I know which direction I'm going but I just can't make myself move toward it.